“This is my last shot,” Lindsay Lohan said in the debut episode of her reality show for Oprah Winfrey‘s OWN network. But now that the show’s ratings have tanked as viewers witnessed Lohan’s grim reality, RadarOnline.com has learned that the rehab veteran is telling friends that filming the show — and admitting to a relapse on camera — has actually hurt her chances of saving her failing career.
On Sunday night’s episode of Lindsay, for example, Lohan said, “Yeah, f*ck it, I screwed up,” after admitting to drinking again after jumping into a new relationship the month before.
“The person I was seeing does drink and I had a glass of wine,” she said. “And that was it but I just had so much guilt and it’s okay to admit it.”
Instead of showing her at her darkest moment, the source says Lohan wishes producers would have shown fans — and potential employers — other aspects of her life.
“For example, there was about five hours of footage shot when Lindsay fulfilled part of her community service obligation by working with at-risk kids,” the source says. “On the show, only ten minutes made it on the air. She actually put in more time than was required that day, and that was completely ignored.”
“In no way does she blame Oprah, or OWN” for highlighting her addiction struggle, the insider explains. “She felt that questions about her sobriety were being brought up by her life coach, A.J. Johnson at the urging of producers of the show. Pilgrim Productions and Lindsay definitely have a very rocky relationship.”
Lohan’s reputation for unreliability has only been hurt by episodes seen on the show, such as when her life coach confronted her about missing scheduled meetings in L.A. and rumors she’d been drinking again.
“When we were at dinner the other night, your mom told me that you had been drinking,” the coach said.
But Lohan tried to deflect, instead asking about her mom Dina, “When we were at dinner with my mom whenSHE was having drinks?”
Johnson laughed but pressed Lohan, “It kind of hit me when she told me that. I came in the next morning and found wine in [your apartment].”
Lohan said, “If I were drinking, it would be something I’d talk to Michael about, and I would have gone to a meeting and I was NOT drinking. And this is something I don’t feel comfortable discussing on camera and I thought you of all people, as my friend, would have told me that in private.”
The shocking episode ended with Johnson quitting because Lohan refused to film any further scenes with her.
“Lindsay felt she had to cut A.J. out of her sobriety during that part of the filming,” the source adds. “She did it for her own salvation. However, don’t be surprised if AJ makes a reappearance in the show’s final episodes.”
Yet another insider tells Radar that it’s not just Lohan’s reputation, but her sobriety itself that has been threatened by the show and all its attendant drama.
“Lindsay was actually doing much better before she started filming the show,” a friend of Lohan’s confirms. “She was stone-cold sober and dedicated to her sobriety 100%.”
“I last saw her about a month ago, and honestly, she seemed really sober and happy,” the source continues. “Her family told me she was doing so well. But we hung out during the daytime. And with her, you never really know the truth!”
Request for comment to Winfrey weren’t immediately returned.
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