Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A Snake Swallowed a Human Person…Or Did It?

This week there has been a lot of fuss about a Python in Kerala, India that reportedly swallowed a whole, living person, in his entirety – while such person was passed out in front of a liquor store.
Not exactly your typical nature vs. human story, right? And while the story has received confirmation on its authenticity….we’re just not sure if we’re ready to totally give up all the possibilities surrounding this phenomenon. We’ve put our minds together and have come up with several alternative possibilities for what the snake actually may have swallowed. After all, there are just probably so many other things that are more appetizing to a snake than a sloppy-drunk human person.
Here are our guesses:

1. A giant PEZ dispenser.
No creature on earth could deny the overwhelming delight that comes from taking down a handful (or in this case, a body-full) of PEZ candies. And if you happen to possess the ability to swallow an entire PEZ dispenser – in your excitement upon finding a free one on the ground – wouldn’t you swallow whole it too?
2. An Oscar.
Millions of starry-eyed dreamers fantasize about winning an Oscar. It’s one of the most competitively sought after trophies in the world. So why wouldn’t a python want to swallow one? It’s gold, it’s shiny, it’s bald. Those three things right there are reason enough.
3. A decapitated Ken doll.
Ken doll is a douche bag. He was probably in the middle of another fight with Barbie when she kicked him out of their hotel – but not before ripping off his empty, plastic skull. Then, the Python, overhearing the fight, slithered up to see if he could be of any assistance, only to find a headless Ken just lying on the ground, taking up space in the road. Instead of tolerating such litter, the Python decided to clean up the mess by swallowing it whole. It all makes perfect sense.

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